


Ham Tactics

by 1000PaperCranes



Series: Bits and Bots [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Rescue Bots
Genre: Big Brothers, Canon Compliant, Canon Concurrent, Episode Related, Episode: s01e23 Shake Up, Gen, Missing Scene, Robots In Disguise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 11:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15290754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000PaperCranes/pseuds/1000PaperCranes
Summary: I couldn't help but think, there is no way that Kade is taking himself seriously in this scene.  But then... What the heck?





	Ham Tactics

“Hey, Frankie,” Kade greeted, opening the mailbox.  His baby brother’s best friend shushed him, too engrossed in directing a voice controlled flying saucer around the memorial statue to be polite.  Unoffended, Kade leaned on the top of the mailbox to watch as she made a corny home movie.

It was a neat gizmo she had made.  He wondered how it worked but didn’t put too much thought into figuring out something so far above his pay grade.  Graham was the brains of the family.  Kade was the brawn, because let’s face it, he didn’t have any other talents.  Skills sure, and plenty of them, but Kade was a physical guy, he didn’t _like_ to overthink things.  He was happy with his role in life.

Frankie ordered the flying saucer to swirl around the top of a tree before dipping behind a row of bushes.  Show over, Kade went back to the mail.  Someone had wedged a package into the mailbox and it was stuck tight.

“Optimus ordered us to learn about humans.  That includes their culture.”  It was amazing how quickly Kade had become attuned to his new partner’s voice.  Of course, it didn’t hurt that Heatwave was generally the loudest of the bots and the timbre of his voice carried.

Chase groaned.

Kade glanced up but Frankie and her toy were nowhere to be seen.  The bots could argue if they wanted, didn’t matter to him.  Heatwave was always grumpy.

The police bot continued with resignation as Kade went back to fighting with the box with no resignation whatsoever.  “Then I will study Earth humor.  But why the road-crossing habits of poultry provoke involuntary laughter, I will never comprehend.”

Kade snorted.  It was too bad he couldn’t record the bots’ conversations.  Chase’s responses were hilarious, all the more so for being totally serious.

“It’s an alien attack!”

Kade’s head snapped up at the sound of Cody’s voice strung with fear.

 “Slag!” he hissed, abandoning the mail.  Frankie and her camera were headed for the open door of the ladder bay.

“Takes one to stop one,” Heatwave declared, undoubtedly taking on Frankie’s gadget in defense of his favorite human.

Kade took off at a sprint, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to catch Frankie before she spotted the bots.

“Grab that thing before it–” Heatwave ordered.

Kade heard the distinctive sound of something clanging against durabyllium.  The fireman stopped running, watching helplessly as Frankie looked up from her camera.  She gasped, and he tensed, picking up speed again.

“Rescue bots!  Protect Frankie!”  Cody ordered.

“Cut!” Frankie shouted without an ounce of fear.  The saucer landed as Kade loped to a stop.  Then Dither popped out of the miniature vehicle.  Of course.  _Dither_.  That dumb little robot.

Kade needed a plan.  He brainstormed hastily as Frankie apologized and explained.  And begged Cody for help with her homework.  _Scrap_ , Kade needed to distract her from what she had seen.  Frankie was _not stupid_ ; the sentience of the Bots actions and reactions would eventually dawn on her if he didn’t do something quick.

Garden hose?  Maybe.  Too bad he couldn’t get it on film.  Film.  _Movie_.  That could work.

“Shoot all the footage you need,” Kade interrupted, posing like a body builder.  “I have _all_ morning.”  Oh, man, this wasn’t going to work, but he’d committed to it.  “See these?” he asked, pushing the ham factor for maximum effect.

Frankie gave him a blank look, while Cody just looked pained.  Well, at least there were irritating big brother points to be had.

“Thanks, Kade,” Frankie responded after a beat, “but first, I need some shots of your robot.”  When she turned around, Kade stepped into the bays, shooting a tense look at the Cybertronian.  “Can you make it turn into a fire engine?”

Speaking slowly, Kade thought fast.  “Eh, sure.”  Following orders would make the bots seem more like robots.  “Hey, uh, listen up, _bots_.  Frankie’s in charge, for now.  Do whatever she tells you to do.”  He grabbed her focus again.  “So, where do you want me to stand?”

“Why don’t you… take five,” Frankie suggested.  Cody giggled.

“Take what?” Kade asked, the words not immediately computing.  He figured she’d say ‘no’.  “Oh! Right. Yeah,” She _was_ getting rid of him, “yeah.”  Sister’s, man, you couldn’t beat them.  _But_ he could be as annoying as possible.  “Well,” Kade continued quickly, “gives me time to work on my celebrity impressions.” Wiggling happily, he geared up for the _worst_ Dutch Defender impersonation he had in him.  As if anyone would want that.  “You’re going to want to record this.”  He launched into it with gusto, mugging appropriately.  “ _Cinematic gold, baby_.”  Then, because Kade couldn’t resist pushing the situation past the point of utter ridiculousness, he flexed again.  “See these?”  Holding the pose, which made him feel a little like a turkey, Kade left to ‘take five’ through the side door.

Behind him, Kade heard Frankie order, “Robots: change into vehicles,” and the sounds of transformation.  Taking one last glance as he shut the door, Kade watched his stubborn alien partner capitulate tardily.  Not helping there, Heatwave.

“Slag,” Kade grunted, turning to fall back against the door.  “Dad’s gonna hate this.”  Not to mention Heatwave.  Kade blew his hair out of his face.  This was going to be worse than a tornado in a trailer park.  And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.  “Scrap.”  Kade sprinted off in search of his father.


End file.
